Grief is the price of having loved someone. It doesn't follow a schedule, it doesn't move in a straight line, and it rarely looks the way people expect. One day it's manageable; the next, a song or an empty chair at the table brings it all back. This isn't a sign that something is wrong with how you're grieving — it's simply what loss looks like.

What Is Grief?

Grief is the natural emotional, physical, and psychological response to loss — most often the death of someone close, but also applicable to other significant losses. It affects thoughts, emotions, sleep, appetite, and energy, and it's different for everyone.

Common Experiences of Grief

• Waves of sadness that come and go unpredictably
• Numbness or disbelief, especially early on
• Anger — at the situation, at others, or even at the person who died
• Guilt — over things said, unsaid, or done
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Physical symptoms — fatigue, changes in sleep or appetite
• Moments of relief or even laughter, alongside sadness — this is normal, not disrespectful

Grief Doesn't Move in Stages, Neatly

You may have heard of the "five stages of grief" — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages, first described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, capture real experiences, but modern grief research is clear: grief is not linear. People move back and forth between different emotions, sometimes revisiting ones they thought they'd worked through. There's no "correct" order, and no fixed timeline.

“There's no correct order to grief, and no fixed timeline — only your own.”

What Makes Grief Harder

• A sudden or traumatic death
• Complicated or unresolved relationships with the person who died
• Lack of social support or feeling you must grieve "privately"
• Multiple losses close together
• Pressure to "move on" before you're ready

What Can Help

Allow yourself to grieve, without a deadline:

• There is no "right" amount of time — healing isn't the same as forgetting.

Talk about your loss:

• Sharing memories, even painful ones, with people you trust can ease the weight of carrying it alone.

Maintain basic routines:

• Sleep, meals, and gentle structure help the body and mind cope during an emotionally overwhelming time.

Allow all your emotions, including the unexpected ones:

• Relief, guilt, anger, and love can all coexist — none of them cancel the others out.

Consider marking the loss in your own way:

• Rituals, anniversaries, or personal tributes can offer a meaningful outlet for ongoing grief.

When Grief Becomes Something More

For most people, grief gradually softens over time, even if it never fully disappears. For some, however, grief becomes prolonged and disabling — sometimes referred to as Prolonged Grief Disorder — where intense grief continues to significantly interfere with daily life well beyond what would typically be expected.

Consider seeking professional support if:

• Grief feels as intense months or years later as it did at the start
• You're unable to resume daily responsibilities or relationships
• You're using alcohol, substances, or avoidance to cope
• You feel persistently hopeless, isolated, or stuck
• Grief has triggered thoughts of self-harm

How Therapy Can Help

• A safe, confidential space to express grief without judgment or pressure to "be okay"
• Support processing complicated emotions like guilt, anger, or unfinished business
• Practical strategies for coping with grief triggers and difficult days
• Specialised grief-focused therapy for prolonged or complicated grief

The Bottom Line

Grief is not a problem to be solved — it's love with nowhere left to go. It changes shape over time, but it doesn't need to be carried alone. With the right support, it's possible to hold both the loss and a meaningful life, together.